Dear people who frequent the computer lab-
Please for the love of whatever it is you hold dear clean up after yourselves. I don't mind cleaning up the odd bit of paper, left disks and soda bottles. I really don't. That being said, under no circumstances should I have to clean up your lube (mmm strawberry flavored), your used snot rags, what looked to be the leftovers from the time you ordered half the menu at Chilies or anything that contains your bodily fluids. People like you are the reason I'm afraid to go clean the study cubicles. I peer into the door and wonder just what the dregs of humanity have left for me. I feel like I need to scrub up to the elbow just thinking about cleaning the lab. Seriously, ew.
Also, if you're going to move around various bits of furniture please put them back where you found them. I honestly hope you had a reason you went and rearranged the fishbowl so that the tables formed a giant maze and that that reason had nothing to with wanting to fuck with the lab staff. Same to the guy that went and removed all of the lights from the study cubicles and then arranged them in a pyramid. I could go on about how much I wish the chairs would stop migrating half-way across the lab whenever you come in a group or lot of you would start pushing in your chairs but I know that is too much to ask. But please, please stop acting like it's a huge inconvenience to you if I start rearranging chairs in your area. I'm not going to ask you to take your stuff off the seat or even to stop using the chairs as footstools. I will be removing the rest of your chair fort because other people need to sit, too.
Do not tell me that things used to be different 2-3 years ago thinking that I will be forced to accommodate your insane requests. Printing has never been free, color printing has never cost the same amount as black and white and we have never stocked specialty paper. We also don’t print on anything but regular copy paper but that’s another story. Telling me otherwise is not going to change it. Believe it or not I’ve been working here for over four years. I know lab policy better than you and probably better than 80% of the people that work here, don’t argue with me, it’ll just get you kicked out.
And to one particular person--our cork board is only for official University announcements. There are boards for student messages on campus, ours is not one of them. There was even a sign explaining that, how anyone who wanted permission to put stuff up had to ask the desk staff to approve items and how we would be removing all non-approved items before you taped your sign advertising your availability to teach French to it. Just because you destroyed out sign telling you why your stuff will be removed does not mean you've cleverly gotten rid of the policy. So don't keep replacing your sign with a larger note to "not remove it." It doesn't belong there and I'm going to continue to take it down.
Do not touch me. Just because I am walking about the lab pushing in chairs and there is not a giant desk between us does not mean that it is okay to come up to me and start petting my hair. I know my hair is long, shiny, does that crinkly thing and is oh-so-soft. (I've even managed to get it to stop trying to eat itself, attack small children and magically tie itself in knots. Go, go gadget hair lubricant!) Even if I didn't it would still not be appropriate for you to come up and touch me. I don't like it when people I know start touching me, what makes you think I want you to do so?
Four, yes, four people came up to me today and started petting my hair. Am I wearing a giant sign or something? Is it national invade personal space day? One of them, I had helped before and I figured she was a pretty sweet, mostly technologically inept lady. This was before she flagged me down to tell me I was pretty, started touching me and stroking my hair, and followed me to the door asking questions about my ethnic background. Yeah, lady, you're fucking creepy.
Don't do this. Please.