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I hear the mocking laughter in my sleep
Jul. 26th, 2007 12:27 pmWhy is it that my vitamins only try to kill me when people are watching? Perhaps the previous sentence needs some background for a few people. I decided to start taking multivitamins in an attempt to be marginally healthier, considering my diet of thing-from-a-box and frozen meals (okay, it's more varied then that, I do buy fresh fruit, I'm not in danger of scurvy yet) left much to be desired in the nutrient department.
I'd been taking these things for awhile until one evening, while Erin was in the room, I attempted to down one of the pills. It didn't go down. I coughed, hacked, spluttered, and it reappeared, mocking me. Erin mocked me too.
"Your vitamins are trying to kill you," she insisted.
"But they've never done that before," I argued, using what is perhaps the worst counter argument known to man.
We've been joking about the incident over the course of the summer, she insisting that the vitamins are waiting until the perfect moment for their tiny nutrient-filled revolt, and I claiming it was a fluke. Time seems to have proved her right. This morning, while once again attempting to add a little nutrition into my life, my nefarious vitamins decided to strike again. Cough, hack, splutter, and mocking laughter--it's like my life is stuck in some sort of evil time vortex where things repeat again and again*. Only this time there were two witnesses.
So, my vitamins are trying to kill me, but only when I have an audience. I swear if my life was a sitcom the only real differences would be less witty dialogue** and more people laughing at me.
* Pretend I did the obligatory time vortex repetition joke. I know I could have copied pasted that line several more times to comply with internet writing standards***.
**LJ doesn't like the British spelling of 'dialogue' and wants me to change it too 'dialog' which annoys me, because I prefer the British spelling. I managed to convince Word that it was a good idea to comply with my wishes on this, how to I make LJ bend to my will?
***A pox on those standards. I will continue to use punctuation, and spell check and not substitute the number ‘2’ for the words to, or too.
I'd been taking these things for awhile until one evening, while Erin was in the room, I attempted to down one of the pills. It didn't go down. I coughed, hacked, spluttered, and it reappeared, mocking me. Erin mocked me too.
"Your vitamins are trying to kill you," she insisted.
"But they've never done that before," I argued, using what is perhaps the worst counter argument known to man.
We've been joking about the incident over the course of the summer, she insisting that the vitamins are waiting until the perfect moment for their tiny nutrient-filled revolt, and I claiming it was a fluke. Time seems to have proved her right. This morning, while once again attempting to add a little nutrition into my life, my nefarious vitamins decided to strike again. Cough, hack, splutter, and mocking laughter--it's like my life is stuck in some sort of evil time vortex where things repeat again and again*. Only this time there were two witnesses.
So, my vitamins are trying to kill me, but only when I have an audience. I swear if my life was a sitcom the only real differences would be less witty dialogue** and more people laughing at me.
* Pretend I did the obligatory time vortex repetition joke. I know I could have copied pasted that line several more times to comply with internet writing standards***.
**LJ doesn't like the British spelling of 'dialogue' and wants me to change it too 'dialog' which annoys me, because I prefer the British spelling. I managed to convince Word that it was a good idea to comply with my wishes on this, how to I make LJ bend to my will?
***A pox on those standards. I will continue to use punctuation, and spell check and not substitute the number ‘2’ for the words to, or too.
